Why Believe in Softball
revised by Joe Frogs

I believe in competition and camaraderie.
I believe in brackets, bubble gum, and bang-bang plays.
I believe that attendance and preparation win games.
I believe Carmella watches film on me, works one out, then steals my
moves!
>
I believe there is more to being a good batter than just being a good
hitter.
I believe in being relaxed on defense until the batter lifts his front
foot.
I believe it's ok to use defensive shifts to play the odds and head games.
I believe that being the 8th starter, just ahead of Bones really sucks!
>
I believe in taking my turn to coach the base across the field from our
dugout.
I believe in checking on the condition of injured opponents.
I believe players should applaud opponents after they make great defensive
plays.
I believe Sal has gone to the dark side, why else would he pitch that
nazi Redman!
>
I believe players get better with age.
I believe 40-pound curls are better than 12-ounce ones.
I believe taking winter BP with a cheap bat helps to hit summer homers
with
an expensive bat.
I believe that Diesel is a cross-dresser and Hayden is his little Jewish
bitch!
>
I believe in running out routine grounders and lazy fly balls, no matter how
frustrated I am.
I believe it is better to be a smart base runner than a fast one.
I believe in scoring from 3rd base on a double-play grounder or from 2nd
on
a very deep fly.
I believe Ramon's toilet is a pound away from fucking cracking!
>
I believe in the nervous anticipation of a play at the plate.
I believe in the quiet buzz in a dugout when the defense is
underestimating
a batter's power.
I believe in the magical moment of recognition after contact on a
"no-doubter" home run.
I believe in miracles.. you sexy thing...
>
I believe in catchers who talk junk and pitchers who throw it.
I believe in infielders who think getting dirty is part of the job
description.
I believe in fast outfielders who do not hug the lines or play too deep.
I believe Larry and I got you to the playoffs every year but you fuckups
couldn't hit or field in the big games!
>
I believe rattling bats can wake them up, and uncrossing them can avoid bad
luck.
I believe in wiping the morning dew off a ball, and squinting into a
sunset.
I believe I'll see a 3-6-1 double play again someday.
I believe Ronnie will be tipping the scale with Ramon and have a drive-in
screen ass like Jay if I don't pitch soon!
>
I believe in saving an equipment catalog until the next issue replaces it.
I believe photos, autographed balls, and scorebook pages can be better
than
trophies and t-shirts.
I believe there is no off-season, just a longer wait until the next game.
I believe Frank DC was an altar boy, because every times he bends down
the balls seem to go under his legs!
>
I believe in the butterflies of opening day and the long drive home after
the final game.
I believe in a small child in an oversized jersey retrieving Daddy's bat.
I believe Stevie Rod should hire some Mexicans to eat for him!

I believe in showing appreciation to your family and friends who came to
watch you play
in thanking the umpires when the game is over, regardless of the
score
.I believe when Whigger is in the outfield he daydreams of Louie in a pink
number while shaking his freckled ass to some Barry White!

I believe in enjoying games in the twilight and respecting careers in theirs.

I believe little John can stand in Barbie's Dream House!

I believe in softball.

I Believe when all ya fucking flash in the pan pitchers dump your sorry
asses because you hit and field like shit... ya gonna be looking for Daddy!

Originally appeared in 'Softball Magazine'. Reprinted without permission from
the author.