Monday, June 3rd, 2002,
Long Island, NY-
An open letter to Champion players...
I have informed ownership of my desire to
redo my contract. While money and security are not issues, my use of a
private jet and the extra load on my back from carrying you losers are. As
per advice from my agent Jerry McGuire, a tell-all book will be written.
Here are a few revelations of my new novel, titled.... "I'm The Sun…
Surrounded By A Bunch Of Fucking Clouds."
Both Sal and Gator tried for the part of
"Daddy Warbucks" in Annie.
Little John tried out for the part of Sandy
The Dog …and got it.
Vinnie Redman's book.. "The KKK Fat
Free Cookbook" is a top ten seller due to the fact that Ramon has
been in every bookstore eating them.
Jay and Ronnie not to be outdone have
co-written their new book... "We Have A Big Round Fat Ass.. Are You
Diggin It"
Wigger has a poster of Rock Hudson over his
bed.
Frank DC is a male model for the magazine
"Plastic Surgery – What You Don't Know."
Louie really is the fucking Lucky Charm
guy. He magically can't hit.
Hayden's family is the number #1 consumers
of ear plugs.
Carmella ..well..well.. Hmmm... Frogs: ace
of staff... You.....my bitch.....
Tommy's finger is on steroids... Someone
please tell this sorry fuck....
Diesel has been seeing a shrink ..not only
because he can't even hold on to toilet paper to wipe his ass.... Every
times he lays on the couch he wants to stucco the ceiling with what he
calls " my love gel."
D.. Did
A.. Anyone
D.. Dare
D.. Doubt
Y.. Your
F.. Former
R.. Recent
O.. Only
G.. Genuine
S.. Star pitcher
I didn’t think so !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DC replies...
OUCH!!
Take them size 16's out my butt, will ya?!?!
Frogs, I am personally recommending to management that we get you your own
private Lear Jet - it's the only way to fit your ego and your ass on the
same plane! Geeeeeez, a guy gets two wins on this team and he wants
to sit at the left hand of God! How about all them years you were holding
your pee-shee while real ballplayers were out there working their asses
off?!?! Guy picks up a ball for the first time three years ago, gets a
couple W's, and all of a sudden you're Tommy fuckin' John! Hey Frogs, when
the day comes you can throw harder than a three-year old with a lollipop,
I'll tip my cap -- But fellas, until that day comes, however, DUCK!!!!
LMAO!
Sincerely,
Frank (Every time you pitch I gotta tighten my glove laces) DC!
Frogs shoots back...
WAIT..WAIT.. FUCKIN WAIT A SECOND HERE.. FRANK...
"HOLDING MY PEE-SHEE WHILE REAL BALLPLAYERS WERE WORKING THEIR ASS
OFF?"
THE
ONLY FUCKING THING I WAS HOLDING WAS MY CHEST EVERY TIME THE BALL CAME
YOUR WAY THERE SKIPPY.
WHILE
YOU MAY THINK YOU'RE THE SECOND COMING OF ROBERTO ALOMAR YOU PLAY MORE
LIKE ROBERTO YOUR GAY HAIRDRESSER.
NOW
FRANK WE HAVE PLAYED TOGETHER FOR QUITE SOME TIME BUT I HAVE SEEN BETTER
SWINGS IN A CONDEMNED PARK.
AND
WHEN THE DAY COMES WHEN YOU'RE FINALLY HUNG LIKE A THREE YEAR OLD
.. I'LL LET YOU SEE MY JET.
GEEZZ..............
JOE
( PLEASE TELL ME FRANK'S STUCK IN TRAFFIC) FROGS
DC returns fire...
Hey Joe!!!!
Take it easy - you're gonna have a heart attack here!
And thank you very much for your kind response to my response to your
original letter; leave it to a pitcher to write the best fiction! Your
ability to play make-believe is almost as good as Grapes' when he's doing
the stats!
Actually, I'm as close to being the second coming of Roberto Alomar as you
are of being the second coming of Hoyt Wilhelm. And I really am sorry to
hear that you're holding your chest every time the ball's hit to me buddy,
but that's what happens when it ricochets off your body! Try fooling
somebody once or twice, maybe a ball will get hit below the speed of
sound!
And hey, there's nothing wrong with my swing that a can of WD-40 won't
cure - which is better than the complete full-body transplant you're gonna
need to find an arm that can heave a ball faster than a grocery clerk can
hurl a can of dog food into my shopping cart!
And finally, THE CAPS LOCK KEY IS LOCATED ON THE LEFT AND RIGHT-HAND SIDES
OF THE DAMN KEYBOARD - FIND IT NOW!!!!! AND STOP YELLIN'!!!!
kisses,
-DC
PS - I have a new name for you: You're not FROGS anymore, your new name is
DUCK!!!!!
LMFAO!
PPS - It took me 15 minutes to type this damn thing, I'm laughing so hard
- Frogs, I mean DUCK, you still da man!!!!
Stay tuned for more of "The DUCKS and DC
Show!"
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